True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
