the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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