how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
