I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
