oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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