Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
