i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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