It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
