guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
