I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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