All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
