Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just invented taco cereal.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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