speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"