I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.