he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?