so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.