I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends