I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"