I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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