We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that