i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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