he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The adults are the big ones right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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