you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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