She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That's when you crack a 10am beer
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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