I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
