dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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