How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
