her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
