In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
