You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
