i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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