Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
