my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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