i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
