Jerry, you need to find god
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
