Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
