Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
