some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
