The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
should my penis look like a turkey
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
