Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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