We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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