Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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