my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize