Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My balls are so social today.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize