Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
