so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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