if i can run in heels then i can drive
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
