UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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