i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
