forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
