youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
