She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
