Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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