sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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