Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Farmville is her only friend.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
