also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
