I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
