When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
