They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Randomize
