I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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