i jhust puked up my retainher.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
