Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
