your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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