do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
