Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
