I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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