It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
