its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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