Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
