Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
