and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
