A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We are two peas in an std pod
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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