some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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