I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
