There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
