woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize