Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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