So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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