I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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