so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
