I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
