I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
